Grump. Grump. Grump.
My Grump-tastic Ways
It’s me, again—Autumn Tompkins.
The day my life changed…
After 3 hours of tediously typing and tweaking the copy I wrote, I threw my notebook across the room and cried.
This wasn’t just any cry—no, it was an angry, fed up cry. The kind of cry that only happens when you’re about to give up.
I couldn’t take it anymore…copywriting for customers from scratch was painful.
Painful because my customers didn’t know essential elements of their businesses like who their audiences were, who they were, and most importantly, what they believed in.
I had no foundation to work with. My words were as empty as their intake questionnaires.
And then it hit me…
I will never write another piece of copy from scratch again.
I’ll transform from copywriter to copy editor. I’ll embrace a part of my personality I keep hidden. And I’ll profit from it.
So I put on my big girl panties, wiggled a little bit, and giggled. But not like a schoolgirl. More like Dr. Evil while wringing my hands together.
In that moment, I reverted back to my childhood. But there was no…
Magical possibilities of wonder like…Do goldfish bounce? At what temperature do you bake a mud pie? And if you get ‘fired’ does that mean someone lights your pants on fire? Or is that just for lying?
Belief that you’re invincible. And tooth decay is a myth: yes, you CAN overindulge on candy without consequences.
Thoughts that life can’t possibly get any betterbecause pizza is shaped like the food pyramid, so it’s the only food you need.
Instead, it was…
Tests. Tourniquets. Tubes.
You see, I have muscular dystrophy and spent the vast majority of my childhood in a hospital suffering from chronic pneumonia. I was grumpy…So grumpy that the child entertainment specialist (Woody Wolfe) at Geisinger Medical Center made it his mission to make me smile.
Music changed me…
He knew music was the way and wrote a song about my grump-tastic ways: The Grump Song. Which included some of my favorite sarcastic comments about hospital living.
No, I don’t want to eat breakfast. It’s 7:45 a.m. Do you honestly think I want pancakes that early in the morning?
No, I don’t want to participate in physical therapy. I’m supposed to be healing. Not stretching my hamstrings. Do you think I’m going to run a 5K?
No, I don’t want to paint, color, or put glitter on ANYTHING. How do you expect me to take part in enrichment programs with all these tubes attached to my body? Let me watch MTV in peace.
Here’s the song. Listen at your own risk.
When he sang that song to me, it was the first time in my life I realized how my grumpy attitude affected others…and it was the first time I smiled with unapologetic glee at the thought of being a grump.
Because that’s what I am.
A Grump. Grump. Grump.
This grump-tastic trait carried over into my adult life.
Fast forward 25 years (or so)…I am The Grumpy Grammarian.
And I’m here to give your copy the final shine it needs to be clear, concise & compelling.
Before working with me, you…
Doubt yourself, play it safe, and take less risks in your copy.
Because you’re too close to your copy, content, or customer. And you’ve unconsciously overlooked errors. Which causes you to make quick, embarrassed edits after one of your customer’s emails you about a mistake they found.
You know what happens then?
You fall into the deviled-egg-pit-of-despair. That mushy, yellow coward-esque part of your mind…
Where your brain tricks you into thinking you’re terrible at your craft, your customers are going to leave you & you’ll end up living in a van down by the river (thanks for nothing, Matt Foley).
But after working with me, you feel…
Confident…knowing that your words are persuasive enough to make your customers take action.
You also feel empowered…knowing that you have me by your side.
I’m a rigorous, skilled critic…But make no mistake—I am your ALLY.
As your Grumpy Grammarian . . .
I Believe . . .
Your copy should create a connection with your customers, so they buy into you.
In breaking all the grammar “rules”, so your customers know you have a strong command of expressive language.
You’re someone who understands the power of copywriting. And I PROMISE TO treat you with respect & transform your copy, so your words work for you. Not against you.
Because unconsciously overlooked errors cause you to lose your credibility and affect your bottom line.