I finally finished the gifts for my siblings’ better halves. (There’s 3 of them. Does that make a whole one? Maybe more than a whole one? IDK. Too much math again.) A buck. A bass. And a set of angel wings. I’m a creative person. Always have been. Always will be. (Always Coca-Cola.) But I … Read more The BIG Penny Reveal
I’m a bit grumpy today. Grumpier than normal. I’d say I was feeling salty except that’s not quite right. Salty implies I’m upset but still in good spirits. Which I’m not. If you’ve been following me, you know that in February I bought an espresso machine and named him Miles. We had a torrid coffee … Read more Miles 2.0 Is Dead
WARNING: I use the word “sperm” in this email. Read it at your own risk. . . . All the pennies I needed to start Christmas projects for my siblings’ lovah, lovahs (in my best Shaggy voice) were finally oxidized last week. The patina is a gorgeous color. (It’s on the green spectrum somewhere between … Read more Rubber Cement Bouncy Balls and Other Peculiar Uses For Glue
What makes you happy? I’m not talking about that excited, screaming YASSS from the IG rooftop while butchering Pharrell’s clap along lyrics like you’re dressing a turkey for Thanksgiving. I’m talking about the type of happy that makes your soul smile — where you kick back in your teal Converse sneakers, pop a hot-outta-the-oven shortbread … Read more My Shortbread Cookie Wish For You.
Ever heard the cliche “like watching paint dry?” Well, paint ain’t got nothing on watching pennies oxidize. Because that goopy slop dries relatively quick. But pennies? Those worthless coins take 24 hours to turn green. It’s that time of year again — the holiday season. It means I’m crafting for my siblings and their SOs. … Read more Green Pennies and The Jeopardy Theme Song
I went for my yearly eye exam yesterday. My insurance doesn’t cover the cost of my exam or contact lenses. So I expect a certain level of service because I’m paying cash-ola. (Yes, I know that makes me sound like a snob.) Don’t get me wrong — I don’t expect prosecco and a cheese platter. … Read more Dr. Yellow Drops
I love a good joke. It lifts my spirits. One good joke can keep my laugh-o-meter full for 3 days. This past weekend, I went to my neighbor’s 80th birthday party. It was at The Ancient Order of Hibernians. And there was live Irish music, dark & frothy Guinness, and vanilla & chocolate birthday cupcakes. … Read more Jokes and Persuasion
I had to pay my school taxes this week. $1,236.45 I practically have a panic attack carrying that amount of money on my person. (Saying “my person” makes me giggle because it’s too close to my penis, and I’m a 14-year-old boy at heart.) And I always hear my mother’s voice in my head, “Why … Read more School Taxes and Storytelling
I met a friend for breakfast last month. I hadn’t seen her in real life for 17 years. I arrived a few minutes early. (Because, in my mind, I’m the White Rabbit and always running late.) I picked a random table in the middle of the restaurant and performed my ritual: -Sit facing the doors. … Read more Resting Bitch Face and Copy Editing
There’s nothing more electric-blanket comforting to me than home construction. Because I was born into a family of renovators. My childhood was one continuous remodel project after another. Like removing the concrete stairs that led into our home and building a multi-level wraparound deck with 3 tiers. (Secretly, I’m sure my mother just wanted every … Read more Feature Walls and Intellectual Property Value
