I don’t always dream. But when I do, it gets weird. On Monday at 1:36 am, a microburst slammed my town like a hammer hitting a nail. Trees and powerlines cascaded like dominos along the streets, bricks tumbled off the side of the fire station so methodically it actually looked like it was being rebuilt, … Read moreWeird Dreams and Magical One-Liners
Now, this is a story all about how my life f̶l̶i̶p̶p̶e̶d̶-̶t̶u̶r̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶u̶p̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶w̶n̶ became an episode of The Maury Povich Show. Remember 2 months ago… When I told you that my new neurologist removed my muscular dystrophy diagnosis? Said he suspected I have a new disease called centronuclear myopathy (CNM)? And swabbed my mouth for … Read moreResting Bitch Face And Emojis
Let me set the mood for you… Ginger and I were out strolling around the neighborhood. (And by strolling I mean… Ginger was trying to drag my 350 lbs wheelchair in 12 different directions.) It was a mild, breezy day — A kind of spring thaw day when all you smell is mud and all … Read moreZombie Grammar and Connecting With Your Readers
I have an eclectic taste in music. But I find it hard to describe (what does eclectic taste like anyway?). I like Ice Tea and ice tea. And I know what that tastes like — watered down hints of bitter orange with a tablespoon of sugar. I like long-haired men with guitars and grit in … Read moreArt and Grungey Cliches
I’m hella superstitious. I’m not talking about getting bad luck from walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror. I’m spiritual superstitious. I don’t go into random graveyards where none of my relatives are buried. (No one’s there to protect me from evil.) I don’t let people play with Ouija boards in my home. (Take … Read moreDreamcatchers and Decisions
Hi. I’m Autumn, and I’m obsessed with nature. Cue the “Hi, Autumns!!!” I mean, my name is Autumn. How could I not love nature, right? While I might be keen on plants, I don’t have a green thumb. 8 years ago, I bought a half-dead river birch tree from Home Depot’s clearance section. It stood … Read moreDying Trees and Children’s Books
Every morning, I hear him call my name. Autumn. Every morning, I roll over in a huff. (And cocoon myself in my warm blanks. I don’t really want to get out of bed.) A-A-Autumn. Every “A” he pronounces drips with seduction. And his buttery smooth vocals convince me that 10 hours in bed is enough. … Read moreMiles and Metaphors
One of my favorite childhood initiations is teaching my niece and nephew to play cards. My family starts ‘em young — around 3-years-old — with the matching game. You know, that game where you place all the cards facedown, take turns flipping cards over, and try to find matches. It gets them familiar with what … Read morePoker And Flow
Remember 2 weeks ago? When I told you that I love TV, and I learn storytelling techniques when I watch shows? Well, guess what? I’m not the only one who loves watching TV. Ginger loves watching TV, too. Like mother. Like fur-daughter. As soon as she catches a glimpse of an animal on TV… -She … Read moreFainting Goats and Fun Copy
They say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Well, my road to hell is paved with cut cable cords. I love to watch TV. I start my morning with a comedy special on Netflix. (Sacred life rituals, am I right?) And end my day scrolling through the DVR to catch up on … Read moreProverbs and The Sopranos
