Rubber Cement Bouncy Balls and Other Peculiar Uses For Glue

WARNING: I use the word “sperm” in this email. Read it at your own risk.




All the pennies I needed to start Christmas projects for my siblings’ lovah, lovahs (in my best Shaggy voice) were finally oxidized last week.

The patina is a gorgeous color. (It’s on the green spectrum somewhere between The Little Mermaid’s tail and splattered-on-my-windshield bug guts.)

So this week, I began the gluing phase.

I used an industrial strength glue that way it’ll hold up. (Because I don’t want the pennies to fall off. Pennies from heaven? No, it’s more like demons trying to buy your soul.)

By the time I was done with the first layer of pennies, the fingertips on my left hand were coated in this tough yet flexible glue.

And I spent most of the day trying to peel the glue off them, which reminded me of middle school.

That precious time in my life when I decided I wanted to be a fine artist. (Not just a sculptor or painter, but a full-on draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls artist.)

So naturally, that meant I spent as much time as I could in the art room making rubber cement bouncy balls while searching for inspiration. (I’d call that my muse, but I don’t toy with anything.)

I’d paint a thick layer of rubber cement on my palm. (Eventually, it’d accidentally drip on my pants, and I would get paranoid because I thought it looked like a sperm stain.)

Wait for it to dry. (As I sketched my interpretation of Edward Hopper’s painting House by the Railroad.)

Then, methodically peel it off while rolling it into a ball. (Chuck it to the ground and watch it bounce all over the room.)

Peeling rubber cement off my palm and transforming it into a bouncy ball was a mindless task that helped me focus and let me channel my inner artist.

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